Off the Zoloft

As part of my transition from medicating anxiety/depression to medicating ADHD (and through it the anxiety/depression) I starting taking half of my Zoloft and doubled my morning Welbutrin. After 10 days of half-strength Zoloft (which is how much meds I had left) I'm then supposed to keep the double Wellbutrin in the morning and one more at lunch. However last night I forgot my take my evening meds and this morning I opted to not catch up when I woke up. So today I felt kind of weird as I worked at Alby's.

I'm excited though to start taking a different approach to the problem that I've had since 2001. When the world kind of crashed in on me then I just didn't want to live and was scared that I might do myself harm. Not to mention the fact that just hated almost everything about my life.

The weird thing is that I was in a place that was giving me the best opportunities that I'd ever had so far. After I moved back home and tried Boise State University (that's right - home of the Sooner ass-kicking Broncos) I realized how limited this university is compared with BYU. A couple of years before I came there they had discontinued their Russian program - so for right now that associates degree is useless.

Getting back to my point. Sure I've improved since 2001 and I don't want to die anymore, but I still haven't recovered fully. I just didn't care about much except work, t.v., reading, eating and sleeping. That's what it's been like for 5 years or so. I haven't really dated much since 2001. I just can't seem to understand how in the heck I should be relating to women. It's like they are math and I don't understand Calculus. I've only gotten through Algebra. I realize that it is math as well, but I don't know how to even start on the problem. Add to that the fact that I still hate myself and I can't understand why any woman would want to be with me. Man I'm getting depressed just listening to myself whine.

Okay, bye.